757464_91458300

The Absolute Last Post I Will Make About Being Freshly Pressed

I posted earlier today about my experience being Freshly Pressed and there are a couple of things I wanted to add because I can never quite shut up about anything.  But I do absolutely promise that after this post I am done with this topic, and we will get back to me talking about sex in the least erotic way possible.

After I’d been contacted by the good folks at WordPress, I was certain they had made a mistake by selecting my blog.  Maybe someone’s finger had slipped scrolling down the long list of blog titles and they clicked on Do Not Get Sick in the Sink, Please by accident.  Because I write about sex.  And I swear. In fact, the post that had been selected included a really explicit section about condoms, and a few paragraphs later, I used the word “dick.”  And mostly what I had seen on Freshly Pressed did not mention dicks and/or condoms.  Or maybe I didn’t look back far enough into the Freshly Pressed  archives.  Maybe dicks and condoms have a long and storied history of being promoted on Freshly Pressed.  Maybe if you blog about dicks and condoms, you actually improve your chances of getting Freshly Pressed.  

Something to think about.

While you are considering that, here are my other tips for being selected for Freshly Pressed.

Wear these glasses, and say you just finished James Joyce’s Ulysses.

  1. Trick the editors at WordPress into believing your blog is actually full of literary merit, instead of mostly full of dick jokes, by naming one or more books you may have, but probably didn’t, read.  In my Freshly Pressed post I said that I had just read two novels (Stephen King’s 11/22/63 and Gillian Flynn’s Gone Girl) which fooled caused the editors at WordPress to categorize my Condoms and Dicks post as “Books.”
  2. Talk about your cat.  If there is one thing nerds on the internet like to talk about, and I assume the nerds at WordPress are no different, it’s their cat, or, if they are also crazy, their multiple cats. I once had a long discussion with a friend about the number of

    I like this photo because it’s vaguely obscene.

    cats one had to be living with in order to cross over from being a pet owner to being a crazy cat lady.    I have one cat, so my answer was: “Two.”  Oddly enough, my friend has no cats, and yet she set the bar much higher (lower?) by answering, “Four.”  In my Freshly Pressed post, I mentioned my pet cat, Noodles.  You can read more about Noodles here and here and here.

  3. Think of me before you delete that crappy post you just wrote instead of clicking PUBLISH.  Right after I wrote it, I absolutely hated the post that was selected, Blog Posts I Didn’t Write.  But I had committed to posting every day.  I see you checking my posting calendar and you’re noting that I have not even been posting every day, and you’re thinking, “She’s a lazy slacker.”  Well, you’re right.  Half the time I haven’t even been writing posts,

    When all else fails.

    I’ve just been linking to Youtube videos because, yes, ok, I admit it, I am a lazy slacker!  But at the time I wrote Blog Posts I Didn’t Write, I was really intending to post every day, and it was late in the day, and the clock was ticking down, and sweat was streaming down my forehead and I just pushed “Publish!” to be done with it.  So before you delete that crappy post you just wrote, think of me, and you may find yourself Freshly Pressed, too!

I know that a lot of people who have come to this blog have also been Freshly Pressed, so what are your (serious) tips?  And how many cats do you have to have before you become the neighborhood crazy cat lady?

Royalty free stock photos including the images in this post can be found at Stock.XCHNG.

Advertisements

16 thoughts on “The Absolute Last Post I Will Make About Being Freshly Pressed

  1. Rantypants says:

    I’d have to agree with your friend (four), although I think there’s also a factor of how large your living space is. Two cats in a studio apartment is clearly a bit more crazy than three cats in a four bedroom home! That said, four or more and you could live in a mansion and still be insane.

    Like

    • Karen says:

      Oh, wow, I love the link! That kitchen is way too clean to belong to a crazy cat person, but boy, oh, boy she’s got them lying all over the place. A little side order of toxoplasmosis served with every meal from there, I bet.

      I don’t think you’re American, but there was an old TV show called “Alf” here that starred a puppet (yes, we Americans will watch anything) who was (supposedly) an Alien Life Form (get it? ALF) who (supposedly) ate cats. So you are correct, sir, aliens don’t keep cats. They eat them!

      I checked out your blog. I’ll be interested to see where you go with it. Here’s a link for others who want to check out something a bit, um, different: http://idontunderstandthecattle.wordpress.com/

      Like

  2. Kara d. says:

    4 sounds about right to set the status of crazy cat lady, but I have a friend who has 4 cats and rescues random stray sick ones. I have trouble classifying her as crazy because she is married. So I think there have to be exceptions as well due to your relationship status, a single old lady with 2 or 3 cats falls into my crazy cat lady realm sooner than a young married one with 4 cats.

    Like

  3. babysgotasecret says:

    I rarely bookmark anyone that I read that has been Freshly Pressed but any one who will post about condoms and the body parts that go in them is OK in my book(mark). The numbers you mentioned for hits was staggering. How exciting for you. I’m always curious about how many readers people who are FP’ed retain over time. Now that would be a post I’d be interested in reading. It seems to me that a lot of people who make comments are repeat commenters as they don’t seem to have a lot to say other than: congrats or nice post. I take it as a shameless plug of their blog, hoping to get pressed themselves but what do I know?

    Like

    • Karen says:

      As I mentioned in my post this morning, I did get one guy who confessed (in Norwegian, it turns out) on his own blog that he didn’t even understand my post, but he linked to it anyway and he “liked” it and he’s probably following me and right now getting mad that I keep bringing him up. Good thing he’s way over there in Norway and I’m in the US. But yes, you’re right. A good deal of the “likes” especially I think are people just getting themselves out there, realizing Freshly Pressed posts get a lot of eyeballs and hoping they get some traffic for their own blog.

      Commenting takes a bit more effort, though I did get a few of those that were real head scratchers and had me wondering if they had even read the post. But it’s hard to comment. I read one blogger who posted (paraphrasing) “If you’re going to bother to like my post, you should bother to comment.” I can talk about anything and I never shut up, but even I have a tough time thinking of stuff to comment about even when I really, really liked the post.

      Like

  4. stillstrange says:

    I do not agree if you like a post you have to comment however I also do not believe in the Like button but I’m not sure if I’ve discussed that here or somewhere else. I do believe if someone has time enough to hit a Like button, they have enough time to write a sentence.

    Like

    • Karen says:

      Yeah, ever since I read that comment from that blogger (“If you have time to like, you have time to comment”) I’ve been feeling guilty about just “liking” posts. But I’m often too lazy to comment. It’s become quite a conundrum.

      Like

  5. The Bumble Files says:

    Hi Karen. I loved your post that was Freshly Pressed. Funny, I didn’t think much about the sexual aspect of it, the dick and condom mentions. I just thought as a whole, it was a funny concept. You give me hope that, if I don’t delete that crappy post, I too can be Freshly Pressed. But I don’t think that in the slightest about yours. I have two cats, so three is the number for the crazy cat lady!

    Like

Comments are closed.